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I think the better question is why do married men cheat? I have the sneaking suspicion that my husband of 12 years has been cheating on me with someone from his work. I know I can't prove it without going to some extreme measure, but just call it women's intuition that I know he is sleeping with another woman. So tell me, Mr. Casanova, why did he do it? Why is he doing it? We've been happily married for so long and we are still happy, you should see us. I guess I just wanted to tell someone, you don't have to really answer.

asked 01 Feb '12, 11:15

suddenlyCarol's gravatar image

suddenlyCarol
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Hi Carol,

This sounds like a gut call more than anything but many times it is best to trust your instincts when it comes to finding out if your hubby is cheating. The fact that you are married to this man means that there was obviously some deeper connection than a regular boyfriend or a once a week fling. The reason why married men cheat is a lot more different than why unmarried men cheat. The fact that they made that everlasting commitment to you is something on a whole new level compared to the mind of a man who has never made a commitment to a girl on that level. When it comes to any cheating situation and you are told it's not your fault and it's on him because he's the one that cheated on you, that's only partially true.

Yes it's true that apart from physically being there, you couldn't stop his actions of being physical with another woman, it's like if he wanted to jump off of a bridge and you weren't there how could you have stopped him? You had no idea and you weren't even there to do anything about it!

But that being said, there is some fault to lay on you. This goes back to the whole difference of why a married man would cheat as opposed to a regular unmarried man. Yes the physical aspect of it and the sexual aspect of it are important factors in this but they are a lot higher in unmarried men. So let's get to it, the number one reason why married men cheat? You don't make them feel like they are of any value as a man. That's an egotistical statement especially coming from a man but hear me out. A man's testosterone driven ego is what makes him feel his worth, before you came along he as a man was judged on his character and accomplishments and received is self worth and praise from others around him. Fast forward to today and you are now his primary caregiving support vehicle for his fragile ego. Sure he won't admit it because thats the manly thing to do, hell he probably won't have any idea that he even feels this way as that emotion is locked up deep beneath years of oppressing and denying his need for worth and gratitude this way.

Analyze your relationship at it's current state. Do you think you look down on your man and make him feel like he lives a meager shitty existence when he is around you, I mean he can be completely successful in every other aspect of his life, but is there an emotional disconnect between you two, that is awkward at best and completely distant and unbearable most of the time? This leaves a gaping hole in a man and a woman too, but men will channel this into some sort of problem solving activity that inadvertently finds it's way into the dress of another woman who he feels appreciates him as a man and makes him feel his self-worth and that is something he doesn't get from you. So what started out as a meaningful friendship with another woman turned into her giving him some sort of emotional connection and credible self worth that you may not have given him in a few years.

Good luck

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answered 02 Feb '12, 20:19

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Esteban
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Asked: 01 Feb '12, 11:15

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Last updated: 02 Feb '12, 20:19

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