My new BF is great and we're hitting it off splendidly, but a few times recently and very off the cuff it's come up jokingly, the question about how many people we've slept with in the past, and he especially seems to be pressing the issue a little more lately. I'm a little insecure and don't really want to know how many women he has slept with and also on my end I don't really want to tell him how many men I've slept with. Am I obliged to reveal to him the number? And if so do I have to tell him the real number?? - What should I do??? Christie in LA ;(
asked 07 Feb '12, 00:19
Coming from a man's perspective this is a touchy subject from their point of view. Yeah most guys who do want to know just want to know what they're dealing with and they want to measure up. That being said men also want to know what's on the menu. Think of your sexual past like a restaurant and each new sexual act you have performed is like a brand new item on the menu. Me as your new boyfriend is also your latest patron to this fine dining establishment, and I want to know what is on the menu for me to partake in my sexual appetite and curious desires. Oh you've done And, that's on the menu, oh you've done it in public that's on the menu, you like to swallow that always on the menu, you did what with him?! well that's different but that's now always on the menu. In a man's mind if you did it with him then how come you won't do it with me.
In a way though it is also best to not talk about the pas when it comes to those weird gory details, I'd have to say no one needs to know the details of what dirty shit you've pulled in the past, why would I want the mother of my future children in this weird imaginary scene of sexual exploration. That's just pure torture and self sabotage when it comes to the future health of your relationship.
I personally only like to expose what I feel is needed to be known. Why would I want to tell my new partner about the weird orgies I've participated in? I felt weird participating in them and the few people I've diverged these stories to think I'm a little weird too.
Very easy solution to this conundrum when it comes to details of your sexual past, don't ask a question you wouldn't want them to ask you. and second don't divulge any answer that you wouldn't want to hear from them.
answered 07 Feb '12, 00:42
That's really up to your man and where he is in his emotional state. Usually men with high insecurity issues and low self esteem tend to really let this question about your past sexual conquests bother them. The maturity level in a man's emotional state needs to manage their insecurity. Take this as a warning sign if he needs to really know how many you've slept with and when and if you do tell him does it bother him a lot? Then you have some emotional baggage to deal with.
So to answer your question yes you can tell him, but avoid the specific intimate details about that past shit. Keep it factual, talk like a robot in some statistical class and let the man know the number and let him know that's all you think about it is just a number, a notch on the pole that you have no memory of and no emotional connection too. Frame it like that and you can be honest with your man as well as having your answer have the least amount of emotional impact on his fragile male ego and no outlet for him to worry about visualizing the details of you with another man when you're not there. IT's the details you reveal and how he pictures them in his head with made up scenarios that do the most damage in a relationship when it comes to this subject.
answered 07 Feb '12, 00:56
You aren't obliged at all!!!! Why is this a question???!
answered 08 Feb '12, 21:17